What Bret means to say is...

[size=100:cwqn8580] ...the trouble with living in a small town is you don't hear any good music--I thought I just didn't like music. I didn't realize there was good music.

[size=100:cwqn8580]What was going into the studio like for you?
Well, it was very different. Like, the first time I went on stage to do a song, I couldn't even move my hand I was so nervous about it. I don't have a problem with being on stage, but the idea of people listening to the music--for some reason, I had a block with that.
Yeah. We could practice at the flat, we could play the song fairly confidently, and then we'd get up on stage and we'd pretty much fall apart. It would just be, like, the worst version of the song.
We survived because our audiences were very kind. But then it sort of happens again when you're in the studio, because then you hear if there are any imperfections, and you've got to decide whether people want to hear the imperfections or if they throw the whole thing off and make the song fall apart.

[size=100:cwqn8580]So what were your lives like in New Zealand before the show hit? I mean, are you pretty famous over there now, like you are here?
The show has just aired on television now, and I've definitely noticed a huge change, in terms of going out.
But that's the only part--going out. Inside it's the same.
Yeah. If you stay inside your room, it's the same.

...

I think there's quite a contrast between the lifestyle people presume we have and how we really live.
And also the lifestyle I presumed we were going to have.
Yeah, even I'm slightly disappointed.

[size=100:cwqn8580] I signed a woman's breast when I was in a bar. Which was pretty awkward. [Feigning macho] "
Yeah! Aw shii, yeah!"
Is that a measure of success?

It depends on the girl, really. Maybe she asks everyone to sign her breast?
There were a lot of signatures on it...

[size=100:cwqn8580]So here's another question that people always ask the ladies: What are your turn-ons?
Oh, that's an embarassing question! I've always thought that when I read those men's magazines, that that's a tough thing to be asked. [laughs] I might play this one safe and say--I don't know what to say! I'm embarrassed.

It's OK. You can skip it if you want.
It's funny, because if Bret was here then we could both--

Riff off of it?
Yeah, it's obviously a joke.

Well, what would Bret say? What are Bret's turn-ons?
Bret's turn-ons are...jumpsuits.

[size=100:cwqn8580]Would you consider yourself a feminist?
I should be, from my upbringing, but it's really hard, because sometimes I wonder if some of those gender roles really are from genetics. Like, I didn't grow up liking things like sports;
quite the opposite. I loved to draw and go to the park and things like that. But now nothing's better than playing basketball. So, I don't know.

So maybe there are things you've heard some feminists say that you disagree with.
Well, if you mean do I think women should cook for their husbands and not work while their husband goes out and works, I don't think like that. I would love that [laughs], but I in no way agree with that. But if I get in that situation, then I definitely would like that.

emira wrote:

[size=100:jiucfihx]What was going into the studio like for you?
Well, it was very different. Like, the first time I went on stage to do a song, I couldn't even move my hand I was so nervous about it. I don't have a problem with being on stage, but the idea of people listening to the music--for some reason, I had a block with that.
Yeah. We could practice at the flat, we could play the song fairly confidently, and then we'd get up on stage and we'd pretty much fall apart. It would just be, like, the worst version of the song.
We survived because our audiences were very kind. But then it sort of happens again when you're in the studio, because then you hear if there are any imperfections, and you've got to decide whether people want to hear the imperfections or if they throw the whole thing off and make the song fall apart.

caiknbake wrote:
for some reason, this one just made my evening

[size=100:bnr19p87] We survived because our audiences were very kind.

Were you doing this show at back home and then it just got transported to America or is this at all new idea for you?
:#bret#: Teleported, yeah, we teleported the idea over here...

Were you guys actors beforehand?... comedians beforehand?... musicians beforehand? What came first?
:#jem#: Unemployment.
That motivated you to pick up a guitar?
:#jem#: Yeah... We had a lot of free time.

Which one of you was asleep on the floor in the other room?
:#jem#: That was me.
How are you feeling?
:#jem#: I’m sleeptalking now.

:#jem#: Honestly, I preferred being in bed with pneumonia than working on the set... I would have preferred to have that for a month.
:#bret#: I remember you saying, pneumonia was basically a walk in the park compared to working on the show, because you got to hang out at home.
:#jem#: If you’ve had pneumonia, you’ve had a easy.

:#bret#: We were so busy making the show that I didn’t even really think about the polar reaction. I certainly didn’t even... it didn’t even cross my mind we were gonna become sort of B-grade celebrities... maybe C-grade... C-list celebrities.
:#jem#: You didn’t even know the categories for celebrities...
:#bret#: ... I don’t even know what list we’re on.

Do you still have the mime guitar ?
:#jem#: Yes in fact I manufacture them. I've got a stack of them along with some mime guitar stands
:#bret#: For those of you who don't know when I first met Jemaine he was playing mime guitar.

:#jem#: I'm actually quite a gentle person. And when I first was talking to the director about being Action Fighter I was thinking 'Maybe I could kill everyone with love and be Action Lover'. The director didn't really go for that...

emira wrote:

:#jem#: I'm actually quite a gentle person. And when I first was talking to the director about being Action Fighter I was thinking 'Maybe I could kill everyone with love and be Action Lover'. The director didn't really go for that...

"
The Official Making of Tongan Ninja"

My favourite episode so far, "
Yoko"
. The song in "
Yoko"
is probably why it's my favourite. You cover, you know, sex, you cover sex and food and then you get into sex with maybe multiple partners (...). What would be the next verse if you didn't stop there?

:#jem#: Good question... Bestiality.

Bret has a collection of stripy sweaters and animal sweaters. He doesn't wear them...
:#bret#: ...ever...
...in the real world.
:#bret#: They are a mixture between really like clothes that a loser would wear and then possibly they are cool.
They feel a bit like clothes your mum might wear. That's the thing about them that I find quite amusing.
:#jem#: What a kid would wear if they had no say in what they wear...
:#bret#: Yeah, that's true...
:#jem#: ...or too much say!
:#bret#: ...or if you're slightly mental.

:#bret#: We won't be slaves or anything. It's only what you would expect a friend to do. We might do things like counsel them, or maybe they could counsel us.
:#jem#: It's just a way of using the skills we have got.

When spending so much time together how do they keep from falling out?
:#bret#: I've just started listening to music.
:#jem#: And closing his eyes.
:#bret#: No, it's not that bad, we're quite mellow people. For chaps.

How do the Conchords go about writing the songs?
:#jem#: Occasionally one of us writes the whole thing, but usually we write them together. Sometimes it comes from a tune and sometimes just from a sketch idea or a concept. There is no reliable system, or we'd have a lot more songs if we knew the system.
:#bret#: [mysteriously] The secret system!

:#bret#: The nominees trophy is always cooler than the actual trophy I think. It's this glass statue with a Perrier bottle inside that looks like it's exploding. In New Zealand no-one's even heard of it.

Bret is the keyboard player for a New Zealand based band called The Black Seeds.
:#bret#: It's more of a serious band. A ten-piece reggae dub kind of band.
:#jem#: Reggae parody!

Do they speak much when they're apart?
:#jem#: No!
:#bret#: The city's so small we see each other.

:#jem#: I auditioned for a Hobbit. And after the audition, I stood up and she [the casting director] said 'How tall are you?'. 'Six two' I replied. 'You're too tall'.
:#bret#: You were two feet too tall.

:#jem#: Ireland and New Zealand. They mostly look exactly the same, there's sheep all over both of the countries and they're hassling us about having sheep. It's really weird. We get a little bit of that in Australia.

What would be their last meal on Death Row?
:#bret#: Cocopops. Or maybe one of those cakes with a saw in it.

emira wrote:

How do the Conchords go about writing the songs?
:#jem#: Occasionally one of us writes the whole thing, but usually we write them together. Sometimes it comes from a tune and sometimes just from a sketch idea or a concept. There is no reliable system, or we'd have a lot more songs if we knew the system.
:#bret#: [mysteriously] The secret system!

Can you introduce yourselves?
:#bret#: Jemaine gets called the big one. So by default I'm the small one without glasses.
:#jem#: I'm the cool one, but in a picture you'll probably think I'm the uncool one.

:#bret#: We're from Wellington, New Zealand. It's the capital. It's a little bit like Brighton.

You're from New Zealand, right? How famous are you there?
:#bret#: On a scale of famousness that goes from one to ten, we're about a one and a half. Maybe a two once this CD comes out.
:#jem#: We would perhaps be as famous in New Zealand as some people who are really famous in Britain but no one has heard of in New Zealand. So not to drop names but in New Zealand we are as famous as Ant and Dec are in New Zealand. Which is not at all. We often tell people in Britain that we are big in New Zealand though because that either impresses them or makes them laugh.

When writing songs, do you use any of those 'mind-mapping' techniques for generating ideas?
:#bret#: We used 'post it' notes to help write the series for BBC. It was sort of a mind map but it could also stick to the wall.

Being in a band must be a great way to meet ladies?
:#bret#: It's not as good as the internet.

:#jem#: Yes but like we said, we don't strictly do folk music. I'm starting to suspect that this isn't a proper interview and these questions were sent to us as an email and we just filled them out and sent them back.
/.../
:#jem#: I'm kind of disillusioned about this whole interview and won't be answering any more questions.

What can Flight of the Conchords fans look forward to next?
:#bret#: We're talking about updating our web site.

...we discuss the difference between fans in New Zealand and those in America.
:#jem#: Here [in America] they're not as vocal with their criticism.
:#bret#: [laughing] In New Zealand, some people think anyone who's ever left the country is a sell-out. Jemaine went to this store in Wellington, and the woman behind the counter said, 'We don't need your dirty American money.' So he bought the store and fired her.

emira wrote:Somehow I can't imagine Jemaine firing anyone. :#jem#: :#blowkiss#:

onlyalways wrote:

emira wrote:Somehow I can't imagine Jemaine firing anyone. :#jem#: :#blowkiss#:

But you can imagine Bret firing someone?? :#rasp#: :;
):

This quote makes me love Bret evenmore. :#love3#: :#bret#: :#love3#:

emira wrote:

onlyalways wrote:But you can imagine Bret firing someone?? :#rasp#: :;
):

I don't have to imagine that!

emira wrote:Somehow I can't imagine Jemaine firing anyone. :#jem#: :#blowkiss#:

:#bret#: We kind of hassle Americans about not knowing where New Zealand is, but I don't that much about America. But I knew Indianapolis was in America.

Who came up with the idea of the band having one fan?
:#jem#: Jemaine: It's a lot easier to handle than having more than one. But we're also trying to keep our band at the lowest strata possible.
:#bret#: In every part of the world, we pull it down to the minimum.
:#jem#: For instance, in a real band or in another show, they might go meet a record producer. But we go and meet a guy who makes greeting cards that play tunes. And that's sort of our equivalent of meeting a record producer.

Are you comfortable being the antagonist?
:#bret#: Yes.
:#jem#: No. (They laugh)

Well, a lot of people like music, but to be able to spit it back so perfectly. …
That's true. It's appreciation, as well, I think. And it's obviously being gifted, as they are.

:#bret#: They're not our real friends, though. We're still quite lonely. We feel cheated by the Internet. I wanted to have a birthday party and invite them all, but… too freaky. I would probably have to have a party somewhere big, maybe Central Park.

:#bret#: We put a lot of love into the songs.

What, to them, makes a great song?
:#jem#: It’s hard to say. I think people fall in love with the tune first. It’s pretty rare for you to like a song just for the lyrics.
:#bret#: Great songs are honest and delicious. Like chocolate cake that’s been injected with truth serum.

:#bret#: I passed most of my time playing war with my friends. If you got shot by one of the invisible bullets you had to lie on the ground and count to twenty. Then you miraculously came back to life. That’s when I knew I didn’t want to be in the army. You have to die all the time.

Why [making the show was] so difficult?
:#bret#: Have you tried working? Working is a drag.
Most people would kill for this gig.
:#jem#: We did.
:#bret#: And you’d think it would be more fun.

:#bret#: I’ve only flown first class once.
:#jem#: Bret had food poisoning, so he was in the first-class toilet the whole time.
:#bret#: Flying over here to write the show, I spent eight hours in the bathroom. Eight hours. It was like a scene from our show. They had to quarantine the plane. When we landed in Los Angeles, three paramedics escorted us off the tarmac straight to the hospital.

:#bret#: Jemaine went to the Viper Room the other night, got to the door and the woman said, “$10, please.” Then somebody turns to her [mimes whispering] and she goes, “$5, please.” That’s my favorite experience. Not free, but celebrity discount—half-off entrance to a club.

:#bret#: I made albums and toured in a really popular reggae band in New Zealand.
Did you have dreadlocks?
:#bret#: No, I was black. I only got white when I came to L.A.
:#jem#: It’s a lot easier to get a TV show when you’re white.

Your dynamic on the show is funny. You're best friends, but often don't even seem like each other. Jemaine, in particular, barely utters two words in some scenes. How did you come up with that on-screen relationship?
:#bret#: Spending a lot of time together.
So you are your characters?
:#jem#: Well, I don't say much [in real life or on TV]. But the TV Bret's a bit stupider than real life Bret. I notice the difference. It's subtle.
...
:#bret#: Yeah, I'm not sure that we're really aware of the differences in our characters. We have exaggerated the stupidity, and Jemaine's much more of an asshole [on the show].

Here in the States, how often do you have difficulty being understood due to your accents?
:#jem#: Here a lot. But sometimes I'll use it to my advantage, and if I can't think of an answer to something, I'll just make a few sounds, and people will be polite about it, and that will be that.

How are you finding life in L.A.? Did you adjust quickly?
:#bret#: Yeah. I remember when Jemaine and I first came to Los Angeles, we were walking down the street, and someone drove past and shouted, "
Get a car!"
That was shocking.
:#jem#: We walked for hours without realizing that people don't do that here.
:#bret#: We didn't have a car. We just walked everywhere. We walked three hours to go get dinner.
:#jem#: That is true. We were staying at Hollywood and Highland, and we were like, "
Let's go to the Viper Room."

:#bret#: It took two and half hours. No one else was on the streets.

:#jem#: Committing 'mariticide,' which is the killikng of one's spouse. I find this off-putting in a potential partner.

:#jem#: We're excited to be with you, and don't want to rob you of your individuality. However, over time, we may suggest new clothes to replace a few badly chosen favorites.
:#bret#: Right, like maybe a leotard and pumps.

:#bret#: I'd attach a saxophone to her nose while she slept, get out my guitar and play along with some sweet jazz.