Respect, entitlement, and some things on my mind.

LadyinRed wrote:

trashytrishy wrote:
I'm pretty "
dirty"
on MS. People who know me know that's my sense of humor (heck, I hold back most of the time. lol). And I'm sure the guys get it, too (well, I hope they do). Hence all the winks ;
)

We should get along quite well ;
)

ah yis. add me to the "
dirty sense of humor"
list!

ok. so, most of you know that words and i don't always get along, so i'm just gonna agree with pretty much everything that has been said here already.........some chics are scary....be empathetic.....the guys like us being silly not crazy......and....yeah.

i guess i'm mostly just leaving my crappy wording here to let you all know that i feel the same way.....

....and to tell ediblestars that she rocks for throwing in the "
i'm afraid of americans"
reference!! i <
3 TR!! :-*

I was told by a friend of mine that plays pro Baseball to remember that "
fan"
is letters away from "
fanatic."
He also said that it's always easy to distinguish between the good-natured well meaning folks from the well, downright crazies. I'd like to think Bret and Jemaine have a similar sensor.

It scares me to no end when people claim ownership of other people. It's....unnatural. And arguably illegal.

i'm glad this thread was started.
i always get kind of scared that maybe i am becoming one of those crazies, but then i figure if im asking myself this question then im very well aware of how i am not.
i love how with everyone's experiences with the guys and their friends we all are very happy for each other and not ready to rip each others heads off over it.
i have a friend who is exactly like that. we would go to shows and stuff and she is constantly calling other fans bitches and skanks for having something or meeting someone she hasn't. and she always has to point out that she has something better than other people. :
it gets me soo annoyed. she tries to play it off as a joke but you know she is not lying. that how she boost her self-esteem. its sad.
so im glad talene found this place and told me about it.
cuz all the people here are down to earth are genuinely happy for one another.

*sigh* I have had my battle with how the guys see me. I'm still not sure.
I followed them into a bar in SF with a couple of other fans that had waited for a meet and greet. The guys were incredibly sweet, I somewhat enjoyed meeting them but it didn't feel right and I felt downright HORRIBLE afterwards. I apologized to Jemaine in a message the day I got back and I apologized in person at the Orpheum in LA. Ever since that day I feel like i have left a weird impression on the guys. I still feel bad for what I did, even when they told me in person that it wasn't a big deal. I wish I knew what they really thought about me, but alas it's something that I will ever find out. =/

lixxx wrote:i'm glad this thread was started.
i always get kind of scared that maybe i am becoming one of those crazies, but then i figure if im asking myself this question then im very well aware of how i am not.
i love how with everyone's experiences with the guys and their friends we all are very happy for each other and not ready to rip each others heads off over it.

so im glad talene found this place and told me about it.
cuz all the people here are down to earth are genuinely happy for one another.

I agree with you liz, thats why I love the message boards and everone ON the message boards. Everyone is so positive and happy for eachother. I as well am happy to have been directed to the place and I'm happy that talene told you about it too ^_^

ediblestars, you pretty much said a lot what has been on my mind for the past several years considering other fandoms (which i am a part of many) and most recently, this fandom. I had always wanted to discuss it here, but I was afraid that it would be taken wrong. You have major cajones!

Respect is my mantra when it comes to FotC. I respect Bret and Jemaine as I would respect colleagues, partners in crime, friends. They are so talented and genuinely humble, that I cannot dream of thinking of them in anyway that is creepy. I mean, I am extreme to the point where I choose not to choose between them in times of celebrating favorites amongst each other, nor do I claim "
Biconchordianism"
. Its my choice and I in no way have a problem with those who do have favorites and love to proclaim it. I think everyone I've spoken to here is great fun and awesome, and I am glad that I've met a lot of you!

In the line to meet them at Amoeba, I suffered what I dubbed a "
Fan Identity Crisis Paradox."
I was doubting my choice to meet them, as I did not want them to perceive me in the wrong light. I wanted to meet them, but feared being dubbed "
a fan"
(the negative type) but the fact that I was in line automatically set me up with potentially being seen as "
a fan"
, as I wanted to be memorable by showing them an unfinished project. See the vicious cycle?
I didn't show them the unfinished project. I wasn't acting crazy or anything, but I am just naturally paranoid.

I had the same debate at the Orpheum. I wanted them to know I had the most respect and sincerest intentions with my gifts. I express gratitude and appreciate through artwork. I wish I hadn't been so scared of seeming creepy;
otherwise I would have explained to them my intentions. The Q Mag article was kinda getting to me because Kelly and I are the least Mel-like type of people...but I try to look on the bright side of it.

I am glad to hear that they have a sense of humor about it all, but, as they are human, can only take so much. I naturally like to put myself in other people's shoes for perspective, so I try not to be too bothersome with them. In fact, I'm afraid, after all the good things that have happened to me, to make any further attempts to genuinely connect haha! Paranoia, paranoia...

paranoidandroid wrote:
In the line to meet them at Amoeba, I suffered what I dubbed a "
Fan Identity Crisis Paradox."
I was doubting my choice to meet them, as I did not want them to perceive me in the wrong light. I wanted to meet them, but feared being dubbed "
a fan"
(the negative type) but the fact that I was in line automatically set me up with potentially being seen as "
a fan"
, as I wanted to be memorable by showing them an unfinished project. See the vicious cycle?
I didn't show them the unfinished project. I wasn't acting crazy or anything, but I am just naturally paranoid.

I had the same debate at the Orpheum. I wanted them to know I had the most respect and sincerest intentions with my gifts. I express gratitude and appreciate through artwork. I wish I hadn't been so scared of seeming creepy;
otherwise I would have explained to them my intentions. The Q Mag article was kinda getting to me because Kelly and I are the least Mel-like type of people...but I try to look on the bright side of it.

I am glad to hear that they have a sense of humor about it all, but, as they are human, can only take so much. I naturally like to put myself in other people's shoes for perspective, so I try not to be too bothersome with them. In fact, I'm afraid, after all the good things that have happened to me, to make any further attempts to genuinely connect haha! Paranoia, paranoia...

Roxy I empathize with you sooooo much T_T

the way you felt at ameoba was how I felt when I met them at the Tonga bar, I wanted to go in the bar to meet them, but I didn't want to appear like a 'crazy fan'. I'm glad I was able to apologize (I think I am the only one that did) but I still feel BLEH about it.

The way you felt at the Orpheum is sort of how I felt when I gave them my sheeple LOL. Like you, I wish i could of been able to explain my intentions, you couldn't because you were paranoid, i couldn't because there was NO TIME.

chickenkarma wrote:

paranoidandroid wrote:
In the line to meet them at Amoeba, I suffered what I dubbed a "
Fan Identity Crisis Paradox."
I was doubting my choice to meet them, as I did not want them to perceive me in the wrong light. I wanted to meet them, but feared being dubbed "
a fan"
(the negative type) but the fact that I was in line automatically set me up with potentially being seen as "
a fan"
, as I wanted to be memorable by showing them an unfinished project. See the vicious cycle?
I didn't show them the unfinished project. I wasn't acting crazy or anything, but I am just naturally paranoid.

I had the same debate at the Orpheum. I wanted them to know I had the most respect and sincerest intentions with my gifts. I express gratitude and appreciate through artwork. I wish I hadn't been so scared of seeming creepy;
otherwise I would have explained to them my intentions. The Q Mag article was kinda getting to me because Kelly and I are the least Mel-like type of people...but I try to look on the bright side of it.

I am glad to hear that they have a sense of humor about it all, but, as they are human, can only take so much. I naturally like to put myself in other people's shoes for perspective, so I try not to be too bothersome with them. In fact, I'm afraid, after all the good things that have happened to me, to make any further attempts to genuinely connect haha! Paranoia, paranoia...

Roxy I empathize with you sooooo much T_T

the way you felt at ameoba was how I felt when I met them at the Tonga bar, I wanted to go in the bar to meet them, but I didn't want to appear like a 'crazy fan'. I'm glad I was able to apologize (I think I am the only one that did) but I still feel BLEH about it.

The way you felt at the Orpheum is sort of how I felt when I gave them my sheeple LOL. Like you, I wish i could of been able to explain my intentions, you couldn't because you were paranoid, i couldn't because there was NO TIME.

Ain't it a beyotch? It's crazy.
We'll get our chance again, I suppose.
Wah, the vicious cycle continues!

i'm really glad this discussion is on here, too, and i'm so happy that so many people feel comfortable talking openly about this issue which is so central to what we're doing here. for my part, i haven't ever been a fan of anything so much in my life before...i have favorite shows, music, etc, but nothing has so absorbed me the way fotc has. so at first, it was very clear to me who the "
mels"
were and what exactly they did that was inappropriate, and i knew that i was not acting crazy, nor was i concerned about becoming so. the more time i've spent thinking about fotc, though, the more i realize that even if your intentions are pure (well, maybe "
pure"
isn't the best word choice....let's try "
good"
instead ;
) ), it really does take a careful effort and vigilant self-scrutiny to avoid coming off as "
crazy,"
whether that's the intention behind an action or not. i think i'm in the same boat as liz, where i feel that as long as i'm still asking myself whether my behavior is appropriate, that's a sign that i'm likely okay, and even if i do something silly or risque it will be understood as a joke (and tracy, thank you so much for sharing what jemaine wrote to you about that! that makes me feel even better ).

i did have a small bout of depression after the first national international new zealand show, when we were waiting outside and the guys sped away in the car...i think that was the only time so far that i really was unsure whether or not i was acting too mel-like. since jemaine was smiling and waving as they drove away, i try to tell myself that it was okay, but it still makes me feel vaguely guilty....and i think the memory of how i felt that night will help me keep my head on straight going forward.

finally, i would also like to shout a resounding "
WORD"
to all y'all who mentioned how positive and supportive everyone is here. i remember during the early part of the tour when the east coast and midwest flighties were enjoying their tour experiences, and i was addicted to reading their stories and grateful to be able to share in the excitement and experience some of it vicariously. on the flip side, not only do i feel incredibly lucky to have seen fotc on a couple of occasions this summer, but it's been made worlds more enjoyable knowing that i have a captive audience for my stories who truly understands the awesomeness that is seeing the guys perform in person. i think if we can be level-headed enough to avoid the cattiness that some other fan groups display (thank goodness fotc isn't a teeny-bopper band!), we can help keep each other on course in terms of respecting the guys' personal space and boundaries, whether on myspace or real life. so i invite you all to call me out if you see me acting crazy ;
)

beautiful words, caik!
and everyone else too.
" title="" border="0"/>

caiknbake wrote:
i did have a small bout of depression after the first national international new zealand show, when we were waiting outside and the guys sped away in the car...i think that was the only time so far that i really was unsure whether or not i was acting too mel-like. since jemaine was smiling and waving as they drove away, i try to tell myself that it was okay, but it still makes me feel vaguely guilty....and i think the memory of how i felt that night will help me keep my head on straight going forward.

I was kind of dissapointed after that just 'cause I had driven so far and such...but I was like,you know what,they want to go home,it's all good. And I felt really creepy just standing around waiting for them in a dark alley (even if my car was parked there...) :-/

This is a very interesting subject... and very relatable to many of us here on the board, I'm sure. I'm really glad ediblestars brought this up, since it seems to be such an issue within the fandom.

The only times I ever worry about my behavior in regard to the fandom are when other people bring to my attention that I'm "
obsessed"
- a word I absolutely DESPISE. Obsession is such an ugly term... when I think of obsession, I think of Mark David Chapman... and I in no way want to be compared to someone like him.

I know personally that I am not obsessed. It's hard to explain to people, but I aspire to one day be a successful actor (I feel weird bringing it up because it seems like such a pipedream, but in all honesty, it's a career goal), and my interest in film and television and the actors involved stems from a deeper level than "
oh, I think they're cute and I want to marry them"
. I admire these people and hope that I can one day mirror the quality of talent they possess. And because a lot of people in my day-to-day life feel like they should be rude and point this feeling out as an "
obsession"
, I turn to positive, lovely places like the FOTCmb to share my feelings.

In all honesty, FOTC is the first fandom that I've become involved in that has to do with actual living, breathing people. I'm usually interested in plotlines and the series or films themselves than the actors. It's the stories and the characters involved in these stories that I find compelling and intriguing, not the actors that bring the scenarios to life. It just so happens that with Flight of the Conchords, an incredibly talented band happens to be attached to an incredibly funny series, so my appreciation for the show flows over to Bret and Jemaine as well.

Anything I say about anyone on the show (or their relations, though it is better not to talk about them at all) is purely meant in jest. And that's what's hard about being on the internet - sometimes there's no way to communicate that you're kidding. You can put as many smiley faces and little tongue sticky-outy people as you like, but some people are still going to wonder or assume that you're serious. If you could see me in real life, you'd know that I was just making a joke, but since you can't... eh. It's a real bummer.

thedistantfuture wrote:

caiknbake wrote:
i did have a small bout of depression after the first national international new zealand show, when we were waiting outside and the guys sped away in the car...i think that was the only time so far that i really was unsure whether or not i was acting too mel-like. since jemaine was smiling and waving as they drove away, i try to tell myself that it was okay, but it still makes me feel vaguely guilty....and i think the memory of how i felt that night will help me keep my head on straight going forward.

I was kind of dissapointed after that just 'cause I had driven so far and such...but I was like,you know what,they want to go home,it's all good. And I felt really creepy just standing around waiting for them in a dark alley (even if my car was parked there...) :-/

Ditto to this. I haven't had the pleasure of seeing Flight of the Conchords performing live, but I have seen Arj Barker (as everyone knows ) and I had this awful feeling for about a day and a half after I saw him that I was really weird... Possibly because one of the people I went to see him with told me rather bluntly that I was "
crazy"
when I met him when in all honesty, looking back, if I had acted that way with someone I was comfortable with, no one would have thought I was being anything other than my typically unusual and silly self. But because the rest of the group was uncomfortable, it made the situation seem odd...

So phooey. Being enthusiastic and appreciating something more than someone else doesn't make you crazy. That person has their vices as well, but they're quick to point out your weaknesses to make themselves feel better about their issues. Crossing the line and wanting to be a part of their personal lives and doing everything in your power to cross that line - now that makes you crazy.

I don't know if that all made sense, but ehh... At least I tried. And I'm very glad that we're talking about this.

liverz wrote:Anything I say about anyone on the show (or their relations, though it is better not to talk about them at all) is purely meant in jest. And that's what's hard about being on the internet - sometimes there's no way to communicate that you're kidding. You can put as many smiley faces and little tongue sticky-outy people as you like, but some people are still going to wonder or assume that you're serious. If you could see me in real life, you'd know that I was just making a joke, but since you can't... eh. It's a real bummer.

In my daily life, I use this as a way to weed people out. When I joke and the person I'm joking with takes me too seriously, I mentally tick them off the "
potential friend"
list. I just don't have any interest in hanging out with people I can't be myself with.

hellomyfriend wrote:

liverz wrote:Anything I say about anyone on the show (or their relations, though it is better not to talk about them at all) is purely meant in jest. And that's what's hard about being on the internet - sometimes there's no way to communicate that you're kidding. You can put as many smiley faces and little tongue sticky-outy people as you like, but some people are still going to wonder or assume that you're serious. If you could see me in real life, you'd know that I was just making a joke, but since you can't... eh. It's a real bummer.

In my daily life, I use this as a way to weed people out. When I joke and the person I'm joking with takes me too seriously, I mentally tick them off the "
potential friend"
list. I just don't have any interest in hanging out with people I can't be myself with.

Ditto that.

carolbrown wrote:OK here's my take on it. A few months back, I left a comment on the guys MySpace which was purely in jest and, I thought, in good fun. I actually received personal messages from other fans, most of whom also thought what I said was funny, but a few from fans who thought I was being disrespectful. This upset me;
I immediately wrote a personal message to Jemaine (for some unknown reason he reads my crappy messages;
I'm very blessed), apologizing and trying to explain that I meant no disrespect and I was just kidding around. You guys need to understand that I was truly upset, nearly in tears;
I don't like causing controversy.

Jemaine, bless his dear heart, wrote back the same day and said (his exact words, which I don't normally share with others because it's nobody else's business but in this case I don't think he'd mind), "
Don't worry about them. You should be able to joke with a joke band, shouldn't you?"
End of quote. And before everyone starts jumping on me, no I'm not making this up, and no, he doesn't write to me all the time. Very infrequently, as a matter of fact, but it is my most treasured message from him because he was telling me IT'S OKAY TO KID AROUND WITH HIM.

Moral of the very long story - I've never looked back since then. He said it's okay to joke with them, and that's good enough for me. ******BUT******* total agreement that there are certain aspects of their personal lives, and we all know what I'm talking about, that need to be left ALONE in a public forum. I don't think anyone can argue with that.

Okay, I'm going back to mostly lurking and not saying much. I just felt this needed to be said. He doesn't want people to be afraid to joke around with them;
just use your brain and know the difference between "
all in good fun"
and "
you're scaring me"
.

You told me this when it happend and that's why i also don't think the guys take themselves that seriously. And they realize that for the most part fans are just kidding with them. The ones that creep me out are the fans that write almost the same exact messages everyday about how they want them to "
have a nice day"
and what not. That actually seems creepier to me than some one saying they want to have their babies. I swear it's eerie how some fans try to act like they are totally normal yet leave the same creepy message almost everyday.
Creepy to me...maybe not to anyone else including the guys. Who knows for sure? Right? It's like they are in a Norman Bates type of fashion trying to be as normal as possible.

ines wrote:

carolbrown wrote:OK here's my take on it. A few months back, I left a comment on the guys MySpace which was purely in jest and, I thought, in good fun. I actually received personal messages from other fans, most of whom also thought what I said was funny, but a few from fans who thought I was being disrespectful. This upset me;
I immediately wrote a personal message to Jemaine (for some unknown reason he reads my crappy messages;
I'm very blessed), apologizing and trying to explain that I meant no disrespect and I was just kidding around. You guys need to understand that I was truly upset, nearly in tears;
I don't like causing controversy.

Jemaine, bless his dear heart, wrote back the same day and said (his exact words, which I don't normally share with others because it's nobody else's business but in this case I don't think he'd mind), "
Don't worry about them. You should be able to joke with a joke band, shouldn't you?"
End of quote. And before everyone starts jumping on me, no I'm not making this up, and no, he doesn't write to me all the time. Very infrequently, as a matter of fact, but it is my most treasured message from him because he was telling me IT'S OKAY TO KID AROUND WITH HIM.

Moral of the very long story - I've never looked back since then. He said it's okay to joke with them, and that's good enough for me. ******BUT******* total agreement that there are certain aspects of their personal lives, and we all know what I'm talking about, that need to be left ALONE in a public forum. I don't think anyone can argue with that.

Okay, I'm going back to mostly lurking and not saying much. I just felt this needed to be said. He doesn't want people to be afraid to joke around with them;
just use your brain and know the difference between "
all in good fun"
and "
you're scaring me"
.

You told me this when it happend and that's why i also don't think the guys take themselves that seriously. And they realize that for the most part fans are just kidding with them. The ones that creep me out are the fans that write almost the same exact messages everyday about how they want them to "
have a nice day"
and what not. That actually seems creepier to me than some one saying they want to have their babies. I swear it's eerie how some fans try to act like they are totally normal yet leave the same creepy message almost everyday.
Creepy to me...maybe not to anyone else including the guys. Who knows for sure? Right? It's like they are in a Norman Bates type of fashion trying to be as normal as possible.

YES! Exactly!!!

When people act like they know them enough to leave trivial, little messages that have no real point other than to say hi or whatever, but do it a lot! That's what freaks me out! Because there's no real humor or point behind it and it seems like its sole purpose is just to get their attention...

I'm really glad this topic was brought up, but now it's making me a little depressed DX

chickenkarma wrote:I'm really glad this topic was brought up, but now it's making me a little depressed DX

OH NOES! Don't be depressed!!!

I'm pretty sure none of us are crazy fans! If we were, we would be out there in the world, stalking them right now... not talking about not doing it on the computer!

(and above is an example of a joke)

liverz wrote:

chickenkarma wrote:I'm really glad this topic was brought up, but now it's making me a little depressed DX

OH NOES! Don't be depressed!!!

I'm pretty sure none of us are crazy fans! If we were, we would be out there in the world, stalking them right now... not talking about not doing it on the computer!

(and above is an example of a joke)

LOL
i know i know, but I suppose I just look into it too much?
*sigh*
It just worries me because I don't know what kind of impression I layed on them. =/

chickenkarma wrote:

liverz wrote:

OH NOES! Don't be depressed!!!

I'm pretty sure none of us are crazy fans! If we were, we would be out there in the world, stalking them right now... not talking about not doing it on the computer!

(and above is an example of a joke)

LOL
i know i know, but I suppose I just look into it too much?
*sigh*
It just worries me because I don't know what kind of impression I layed on them. =/

No, I totally understand.

I think that sometimes my greatest comfort lies is knowing that I am forgettable. Hahaha, sad.

But I'm sure they don't think anything negative about you, Irene. You've been nothing but lovely and your gifts are awesome and they're really lucky that they have fans that care enough to make them beautiful presents like the ones that you do!!!

liverz wrote:

But I'm sure they don't think anything negative about you, Irene. You've been nothing but lovely and your gifts are awesome and they're really lucky that they have fans that care enough to make them beautiful presents like the ones that you do!!!

WORD.

Thank you for this thread and a big ditto that to just about every comment on it. Like Bret, I think MySpace is an evil machine. I was worried that Jemaine’s MySpace addiction would warp his brain but carol brown’s story made me realize that we may over think a lot of this while Jemaine is just having a laugh or brushing it off. If he has the good sense to know what not to take seriously that makes it easier for all of us. And that he took the time to assure carolbrown that she needn’t worry means he’s a sweetheart of the highest order.

It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in this fan dichotomy thing. It can be embarrassing because you don’t want to be thought of as a nut who doesn’t know the boundaries. The nice thing about this forum is that no one acts possessive or catty. The tour was so much fun, not only for my own experience but for reading all the others – seeing all of your pics and hearing all of your stories – it was like I was there and I was in no way jealous, I was excited for everyone.

Now you’ve got me curious about this Pussycat Dolls pic – would it be wrong of me to ask if someone could post it on one of the photo threads?

SheWolf wrote:
Now you’ve got me curious about this Pussycat Dolls pic – would it be wrong of me to ask if someone could post on one of the photo threads?

Has it not been posted?! I totally will! I laughed so much the first time I saw it... It's wonderful.

Posted it in "
What we need to do is what's called a photoshoot."