An Open Letter to the Jonas Brothers

An Open Letter to the Jonas Brothers

Dear Jonas Brothers,

I don’t hate you. I get it. If I was 13, I’d be obsessed with you. You’re cute, you’re young, you’re up Disney’s butt, you fly over the audience at the Teen Choice Awards. You cause young girls to completely lost their sh*t on the set of TRL. I have set aside the fact that (as I’ve previously mentioned) your music sounds like a watered down version of Maroon 5, which is basically like watering down water. I try not to think about how you are inevitably destined to appear on whatever version of The Surreal Life they are broadcasting in 2028. I never blamed you for the downfall of society. And hey, about this TV show you’re developing for the Disney Channel - great, go for it. I don’t care. It was going to be about a boy band (i.e., you) living a double life as spies. Sounds harmless enough…it’s basically the male version of Hannah Montana. Fine.

BUT. Now, you’ve decided to “change directions” with the series. You told Ryan Seacrest that the show is now going to be like HBO’s Flight of the Conchords. WHOAWHOAWHOA….hoooooooold up here for a second.

You’re doing WHAT? You’ve gone from kids pretending to be spies, to kids pretending to be talented? Please. Please don’t be so arrogant to compare yourselves to one of the funniest comedy duos that currently exists. Don’t set us up for that kind of disappointment. And don’t even think about trying to move in on Jemaine and Bret’s mojo. Jemaine’s sexy will CRUSH your tiny little hot into oblivion. And let’s not even get started on the music part of it. “Inner City Pressure” may be a comedy song, but it’s a million times better (musically speaking) than any of the goo you’ve put out.

I realize you’re just children, and somebody should have stopped you from becoming child stars. I understand you have Miley Cyrus sending you wet t-shirt pics of herself. I just want you to recognize that you can’t create a genius, innovative show like Flight Of The Conchords out of thin air, just because you’ve got disgusting amounts of money blowing through your tousled hair. I think it’s great if you idolize FOTC or anyone else, but you don’t just point at something you want and it magically becomes reality. Oh wait…for you, that’s probably true. But still, that doesn’t mean it’s going to be GOOD.

I will say, however, that doing something along the lines of FOTC would be a great test of your theatrical abilities. You’ll have to pretend (they call it acting!) that you have 1 crazy fan that stalks you, that you live in a tiny one room apartment with Eugene Mirman as your landlord. That, for you guys, would be quite a stretch - so go for it! These days, that acting feat would be enough to land you a spot on Inside The Actor’s Studio. Until then, I remain Mel-like obsessed with Bret and Jemaine, and there’s pretty much a negative 4,000% chance that I will ever watch your TV show (I don’t have Disney Channel).

Sincerely,

Sara “I’m 30″ Schaefer

I realize you’re just children, and somebody should have stopped you from becoming child stars. I understand you have Miley Cyrus sending you wet t-shirt pics of herself. I just want you to recognize that you can’t create a genius, innovative show like Flight Of The Conchords out of thin air, just because you’ve got disgusting amounts of money blowing through your tousled hair. I think it’s great if you idolize FOTC or anyone else, but you don’t just point at something you want and it magically becomes reality. Oh wait…for you, that’s probably true. But still, that doesn’t mean it’s going to be GOOD.

hellomyfriend wrote:
"I have set aside the fact that (as I’ve previously mentioned) your music sounds like a watered down version of Maroon 5, which is basically like watering down water. "


That made me laugh so so so so hard.